1 00:00:01,569 --> 00:00:03,335 - Good morning, Boyle. 2 00:00:03,337 --> 00:00:06,105 It's Halloween--I'm surprised you didn't put on a costume. 3 00:00:06,107 --> 00:00:08,073 - I was going to, sir, but then I decided, 4 00:00:08,075 --> 00:00:09,408 "screw that jazz." 5 00:00:09,410 --> 00:00:11,577 Well, I'm the only one who ever dresses up, 6 00:00:11,579 --> 00:00:13,345 no one ever gets my costume, 7 00:00:13,347 --> 00:00:15,280 and they make fun of me-- so I'm done. 8 00:00:15,282 --> 00:00:18,083 These people don't deserve my dress-up gifts. 9 00:00:18,085 --> 00:00:19,118 [elevator dings] 10 00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:21,353 - Charles, seriously? 11 00:00:21,355 --> 00:00:22,354 No costume? 12 00:00:22,356 --> 00:00:23,389 - What the hell, Charles? 13 00:00:23,391 --> 00:00:24,790 Where's your Halloween spirit? 14 00:00:24,792 --> 00:00:27,192 - But you guys always make fun of me. 15 00:00:27,194 --> 00:00:30,596 - I have never once insulted you in my life, 16 00:00:30,598 --> 00:00:33,132 especially vis-à-vis your appearance. 17 00:00:33,134 --> 00:00:34,800 - Yeah, man, we always love your costumes. 18 00:00:34,802 --> 00:00:37,136 - Remember last year, when you came as that 19 00:00:37,138 --> 00:00:39,405 person and/or thing? 20 00:00:39,407 --> 00:00:40,806 - Yes, I do remember! 21 00:00:40,808 --> 00:00:44,076 Sir, permission to sprint to my car and get 22 00:00:44,078 --> 00:00:45,144 my emergency costume? 23 00:00:45,146 --> 00:00:46,278 - Does it matter if I say no? 24 00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:48,080 - No! 25 00:00:53,387 --> 00:00:55,254 A-bam, bam, boom. 26 00:00:56,590 --> 00:00:58,157 What the--what-- 27 00:00:58,159 --> 00:00:59,625 - Why are you dressed up? You look like an idiot. 28 00:00:59,627 --> 00:01:01,060 - But--but-- 29 00:01:01,062 --> 00:01:02,294 - Yeah, what are you supposed to be, 30 00:01:02,296 --> 00:01:03,829 a sassy car mechanic? 31 00:01:05,132 --> 00:01:07,199 - No, come on--he's clearly the rejected Pop-Tarts mascot, 32 00:01:07,201 --> 00:01:08,300 Harry Pop-Tart. 33 00:01:08,302 --> 00:01:10,202 - I am not! You know who I am! 34 00:01:10,204 --> 00:01:12,104 - Squad, that's enough-- you're making Boyle 35 00:01:12,106 --> 00:01:13,105 feel bad on purpose. 36 00:01:13,107 --> 00:01:14,623 He's Elvis. - Yes! 37 00:01:14,624 --> 00:01:16,140 - Elvis Stojko, the Canadian figure skater. 38 00:01:16,143 --> 00:01:17,209 - No! 39 00:01:37,131 --> 00:01:39,398 - Attention, squad: today is the most 40 00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:41,433 important day in the history of this precinct. 41 00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:45,337 For today is Halloween-- 42 00:01:45,339 --> 00:01:47,139 I thought we were going to say it together. 43 00:01:47,141 --> 00:01:48,440 - I never agreed to that. - All right. 44 00:01:48,442 --> 00:01:49,641 - As you may know, for the past two years, 45 00:01:49,643 --> 00:01:53,212 Captain Holt and I have engaged in an epic battle of wits. 46 00:01:53,214 --> 00:01:55,614 The goal: to determine who must call the other 47 00:01:55,616 --> 00:01:57,649 an amazing detective/genius. 48 00:01:57,651 --> 00:02:00,452 - The first year, by sheer, dumb luck, 49 00:02:00,454 --> 00:02:02,354 Jake eked out a feeble victory. 50 00:02:02,356 --> 00:02:03,889 - And last year, I let the captain win, 51 00:02:03,891 --> 00:02:05,491 because he's old and sad. 52 00:02:05,493 --> 00:02:07,459 - Sad because the competition was so dismal. 53 00:02:07,461 --> 00:02:08,694 - Is this meeting about something? 54 00:02:08,696 --> 00:02:10,295 - It's about everything. 55 00:02:10,297 --> 00:02:11,430 - This year's the tie-breaker, 56 00:02:11,432 --> 00:02:13,365 a final heist to decide once and for all 57 00:02:13,367 --> 00:02:15,434 the true king of the nine-nine. 58 00:02:15,436 --> 00:02:18,303 - Halloween Heist III: The Heistening. Tagline? 59 00:02:18,305 --> 00:02:20,272 - This year we both attempt to steal the same object 60 00:02:20,274 --> 00:02:22,241 instead of Jake attempting to steal one from me. 61 00:02:22,243 --> 00:02:24,643 - I gave you one direction on the tagline--snappy. 62 00:02:24,645 --> 00:02:27,546 But yes, we will be attempting to steal the same item-- 63 00:02:27,548 --> 00:02:29,214 this. 64 00:02:30,317 --> 00:02:30,682 - The crown will be locked in this briefcase, 65 00:02:34,722 --> 00:02:36,539 which in turn will be locked in the interrogation room. 66 00:02:36,540 --> 00:02:38,357 - ♪ And so unto the briefcase goes the crown ♪ 67 00:02:38,359 --> 00:02:39,925 Didn't sing it with me. 68 00:02:39,927 --> 00:02:41,210 We will need help, 69 00:02:41,211 --> 00:02:42,494 so to be fair, we're holding a draft. 70 00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:44,363 The captain and I have given up our overtime, 71 00:02:44,365 --> 00:02:46,665 so everyone who participates will get the night off--captain? 72 00:02:46,667 --> 00:02:48,934 - With the first pick of the draft, I choose... 73 00:02:48,936 --> 00:02:50,469 Terry. 74 00:02:50,471 --> 00:02:53,272 - Okay, brawns over brains. 75 00:02:53,274 --> 00:02:54,473 - All right, I take Charles. 76 00:02:54,475 --> 00:02:55,941 - I get it. Close friend. 77 00:02:55,943 --> 00:02:57,276 - I pick Gina. - Gina? 78 00:02:57,278 --> 00:02:58,477 - I take Rosa. 79 00:02:58,479 --> 00:02:59,478 - What? 80 00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:01,947 Okay, all right. Well, Captain-- 81 00:03:01,949 --> 00:03:03,582 that leaves me with you. 82 00:03:03,584 --> 00:03:05,417 Let's do this. - Hang on, Santiago. 83 00:03:05,419 --> 00:03:06,718 I'm not sure I can trust you. 84 00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:11,390 You're Peralta's paramour; maybe you should be on his team. 85 00:03:11,392 --> 00:03:13,258 - No, no, no-- Amy would do anything 86 00:03:13,260 --> 00:03:15,527 to win your approval, including pretending 87 00:03:15,529 --> 00:03:17,563 to be in a relationship with me for the past few weeks 88 00:03:17,565 --> 00:03:19,431 only to betray me now. 89 00:03:19,433 --> 00:03:21,366 - Jake, you are majorly overthinking this. 90 00:03:21,368 --> 00:03:23,702 - Maybe, but it's a risk I'm not willing to take. 91 00:03:23,704 --> 00:03:27,272 You're not on my team, Amy. - Yeah, Amy's out. 92 00:03:27,274 --> 00:03:29,474 By midnight, whoever has the crown 93 00:03:29,476 --> 00:03:32,578 will be the king of the nine-nine. 94 00:03:32,580 --> 00:03:34,713 - Uh, Hitchcock and I still haven't been chosen. 95 00:03:34,715 --> 00:03:35,881 - I'm good. - Me too. 96 00:03:38,285 --> 00:03:42,754 - So, I see you've been assigned to guard the briefcase too. 97 00:03:42,756 --> 00:03:47,226 - Yup, I'm not supposed to let it or you out of my sight, 98 00:03:47,228 --> 00:03:48,794 if that even is you. 99 00:03:48,796 --> 00:03:51,463 - Ow, that's my face! 100 00:03:51,465 --> 00:03:53,799 - Oh, sorry--I thought it was a cheap, rubber mask. 101 00:03:53,801 --> 00:03:56,368 - Well, I have exciting news. 102 00:03:56,370 --> 00:03:58,470 I found the perfect guy to set you up with. 103 00:03:58,472 --> 00:04:02,741 - After zero consideration, I'm happy to say, "hard pass." 104 00:04:02,743 --> 00:04:05,010 - Come on, our parents are married. 105 00:04:05,012 --> 00:04:06,511 Genevieve and I are dating. 106 00:04:06,513 --> 00:04:08,413 I want you to have someone too. 107 00:04:08,415 --> 00:04:10,282 - [sighs] - You shouldn't have to 108 00:04:10,284 --> 00:04:11,650 slow-dance alone after family dinner. 109 00:04:11,652 --> 00:04:13,619 - How did my life come to this? 110 00:04:13,621 --> 00:04:15,821 Charles, it's very sweet that you want to 111 00:04:15,823 --> 00:04:17,623 set me up with someone, 112 00:04:17,625 --> 00:04:20,425 but I do not trust your taste in guys at all. 113 00:04:20,427 --> 00:04:22,394 - I have spectacular taste in men. 114 00:04:22,396 --> 00:04:23,829 You would love Nadia. 115 00:04:23,831 --> 00:04:25,330 - His name is Nadia? 116 00:04:26,033 --> 00:04:27,766 - Oh, all of a sudden Nadia's not a cool name? 117 00:04:27,768 --> 00:04:30,369 You are impossible. 118 00:04:30,371 --> 00:04:32,704 - Here, got it? - Got it. 119 00:04:37,011 --> 00:04:38,744 - Hey, Jake. Can we talk? 120 00:04:38,746 --> 00:04:40,445 - Yeah. 121 00:04:41,582 --> 00:04:42,514 - You really hurt my feelings by leaving me off your team. 122 00:04:42,516 --> 00:04:45,050 - Oh, I had no idea you felt that way. 123 00:04:45,052 --> 00:04:47,653 - Well, it doesn't feel great to be left out. 124 00:04:47,655 --> 00:04:49,821 - Right, totally, I get it. I'm sorry... 125 00:04:49,823 --> 00:04:51,290 Captain Holt! 126 00:04:51,292 --> 00:04:53,392 - What? Why are you yelling at my boobs? 127 00:04:53,394 --> 00:04:54,793 - Because that's where the camera is. 128 00:04:54,795 --> 00:04:56,528 Nice try, Ray-Ray! 129 00:04:56,530 --> 00:04:57,763 - There's no camera, Jake. 130 00:04:57,765 --> 00:04:59,064 I was being serious. 131 00:04:59,066 --> 00:05:01,800 - Okay fine--if you're telling the truth, 132 00:05:01,802 --> 00:05:03,468 then I sincerely apologize. 133 00:05:03,470 --> 00:05:07,372 But since you're not, I will defeat you! 134 00:05:09,777 --> 00:05:12,678 [witch cackling] Ahhh! Gah! Scary witch! 135 00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:13,679 Scary, so scary! 136 00:05:13,681 --> 00:05:15,231 - Amy, don't feel bad. 137 00:05:15,232 --> 00:05:16,782 You can get in on my bet with Scully. 138 00:05:16,784 --> 00:05:18,550 At midnight tonight, we will steal 139 00:05:18,552 --> 00:05:20,419 his foot fungus cream. 140 00:05:20,421 --> 00:05:22,688 - Thanks, that's very kind of you to include me, 141 00:05:22,690 --> 00:05:23,822 but I'll have to pass. 142 00:05:23,824 --> 00:05:25,490 - The mind games have already begun. 143 00:05:25,492 --> 00:05:27,759 - No, I'm not part of this. - Oh, of course not. 144 00:05:27,761 --> 00:05:30,329 Neither am I. Wink. 145 00:05:30,331 --> 00:05:31,330 - Ugh. 146 00:05:31,332 --> 00:05:33,732 - I'm not going to meet my next boyfriend 147 00:05:33,734 --> 00:05:35,334 through a Charles set-up. 148 00:05:36,370 --> 00:05:37,869 I'm going to meet him in an illegal dance competition 149 00:05:37,871 --> 00:05:39,905 in an abandoned subway tunnel. 150 00:05:41,342 --> 00:05:42,708 - It's go time, Boyle. 151 00:05:42,710 --> 00:05:44,843 Holt and Terry have closed the blinds--release the roaches. 152 00:05:44,845 --> 00:05:47,846 - Alternately, he could win an illegal street race 153 00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:49,881 in which my love is the prize. 154 00:05:49,883 --> 00:05:52,351 - Oh, my God! Gina, look! Roaches! 155 00:05:52,353 --> 00:05:53,719 - [screams] - Look! 156 00:05:53,721 --> 00:05:57,356 - Ew, Charles, kill them with whatever cologne you're wearing! 157 00:05:57,358 --> 00:05:58,724 - No, I can't! They're moving too fast! 158 00:05:58,726 --> 00:06:01,360 I can't kill them! It's pandemonium! 159 00:06:01,362 --> 00:06:04,129 - If I die, turn my Tweets into a book! 160 00:06:04,131 --> 00:06:06,898 - Commence operation, "Oh crap, wrong vent." 161 00:06:06,900 --> 00:06:10,669 - [gasp] - Oh crap, wrong vent. 162 00:06:10,671 --> 00:06:11,870 This was a mistake. 163 00:06:11,872 --> 00:06:13,872 - Nice try, losers. You blew it. 164 00:06:13,874 --> 00:06:14,873 - Yeah, we totally blew it. 165 00:06:14,875 --> 00:06:17,476 And all because Boyle marked the wrong vent. 166 00:06:17,478 --> 00:06:20,746 - It's not my fault--I thought it was the right vent. 167 00:06:20,748 --> 00:06:23,482 - Unbelievable, mister. - You are, mister. 168 00:06:23,484 --> 00:06:25,884 - I'm having trouble even believing you at all right now. 169 00:06:25,886 --> 00:06:28,587 That is the last time I let Charles mark a vent. 170 00:06:28,589 --> 00:06:30,422 - I'm normally great at marking vents. 171 00:06:30,424 --> 00:06:31,757 - Lock picked. 172 00:06:31,759 --> 00:06:35,594 -Never, ever, never, ever, ever, never, ever, ever, 173 00:06:35,596 --> 00:06:38,897 never, ever, will I ever, never, ever, ever, ever, 174 00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:41,633 ever, never, never, never-- I forgive you, and good-bye. 175 00:06:44,772 --> 00:06:46,772 - Wow, you should have seen us, Rosa. 176 00:06:46,774 --> 00:06:47,973 Charles and I were amazing. 177 00:06:47,975 --> 00:06:49,741 - I somersaulted through a window, 178 00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:51,443 cut the crown out of a briefcase, 179 00:06:51,445 --> 00:06:53,578 and replaced everything in under a minute. 180 00:06:53,580 --> 00:06:54,880 - Yeah, I guess you helped a little. 181 00:06:54,882 --> 00:06:57,849 But our fake argument was super convincing. 182 00:06:57,851 --> 00:06:59,785 And all of a sudden, we had to make it longer, 183 00:06:59,787 --> 00:07:01,686 and we did. 184 00:07:01,688 --> 00:07:03,922 Anyways, now all we gotta do is guard this drawer 185 00:07:03,924 --> 00:07:06,425 until midnight, and the best part about it is 186 00:07:06,427 --> 00:07:09,694 Captain Holt has absolutely no idea. 187 00:07:09,696 --> 00:07:12,464 He is such a fool. 188 00:07:12,466 --> 00:07:15,434 - Yes, I'm the fool. 189 00:07:15,436 --> 00:07:17,436 You fool. 190 00:07:17,438 --> 00:07:18,770 - So we wanted Jake to take the crown? 191 00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:21,006 - Sergeant, are you familiar with the Hungarian fencing term, 192 00:07:21,008 --> 00:07:22,808 Hosszú Gorcs? 193 00:07:22,810 --> 00:07:24,009 - You must realize my answer is no. 194 00:07:24,011 --> 00:07:25,811 - It's a strategy of letting your opponent 195 00:07:25,813 --> 00:07:28,780 win points early to give them a sense of overconfidence, 196 00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:32,684 thus exposing a much easier target for you later. 197 00:07:32,686 --> 00:07:34,453 - You think he's overconfident enough? 198 00:07:36,523 --> 00:07:38,523 - I'm the smartest man alive. 199 00:07:38,525 --> 00:07:39,858 I'm never gonna die. 200 00:07:42,930 --> 00:07:44,629 [knocks on door] - Sir, do you have a minute? 201 00:07:44,631 --> 00:07:45,730 - Of course. 202 00:07:45,732 --> 00:07:47,165 Jeffords, we'll rendezvous later. 203 00:07:53,907 --> 00:07:56,007 - Sir, I want to talk about Jake. 204 00:07:56,009 --> 00:07:58,143 Okay-- - Amy! Help! 205 00:07:58,145 --> 00:08:00,679 Our foot fungus heist has gone sideways! 206 00:08:00,681 --> 00:08:02,013 - Hitchcock, not now. 207 00:08:02,015 --> 00:08:03,615 - Scully doesn't know I'm in here. 208 00:08:03,617 --> 00:08:05,116 I stole his foot cream, but then I lost it. 209 00:08:05,118 --> 00:08:07,853 Amy, you're the only hope I have of finding it. 210 00:08:07,855 --> 00:08:09,054 You're a detective. 211 00:08:09,056 --> 00:08:11,857 - You're a detective! Get out of here! 212 00:08:11,859 --> 00:08:15,026 Go! [sighs] 213 00:08:15,028 --> 00:08:16,928 Sir, Jake really pissed me off, 214 00:08:16,930 --> 00:08:18,864 and I want to help you take him down. 215 00:08:18,866 --> 00:08:20,899 - Well, that's an intriguing proposition. 216 00:08:20,901 --> 00:08:22,834 You certainly could be useful... 217 00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:24,069 - Thank you. 218 00:08:24,071 --> 00:08:25,904 - To Jake! 219 00:08:25,906 --> 00:08:29,708 I got you, Peralta! You're not fooling anyone! 220 00:08:29,710 --> 00:08:32,043 - Why does everyone think that's where a camera would be? 221 00:08:32,045 --> 00:08:35,914 - Because the cleavage cloaks the camera with its curves. 222 00:08:35,916 --> 00:08:38,250 That will be all, spy. 223 00:08:39,686 --> 00:08:42,187 Sorry I said cleavage. - Mm-hmm. 224 00:08:42,189 --> 00:08:45,991 - Charles, that is so nasty you put cockroaches in your pants. 225 00:08:45,993 --> 00:08:47,692 - When you say it like that, yeah. 226 00:08:47,694 --> 00:08:48,827 But Jake made it sound so cool. 227 00:08:48,829 --> 00:08:49,895 - How? [knocks on door] 228 00:08:49,897 --> 00:08:52,130 - Oh, I wasn't expecting anyone. 229 00:08:54,735 --> 00:08:57,669 Come in, Nadia. - Hey, Charles. 230 00:08:57,671 --> 00:08:59,338 - What up, bro? 231 00:08:59,339 --> 00:09:01,006 Gina, this was the boy I was telling you about. 232 00:09:01,008 --> 00:09:02,274 - You're Nadia? 233 00:09:02,276 --> 00:09:05,143 - Well, my real name's Leo; Nadia's just my tag. 234 00:09:05,145 --> 00:09:07,746 I don't love it, but when Banksy gives you a nickname, 235 00:09:07,748 --> 00:09:08,947 it just sticks. 236 00:09:08,949 --> 00:09:10,248 - Okay, I see what's going on here. 237 00:09:10,250 --> 00:09:12,817 This isn't a setup-- this is a setup. 238 00:09:12,819 --> 00:09:16,755 And all of this is supposed to distract me from the heist. 239 00:09:16,757 --> 00:09:19,090 - The heist? - [mocking tone] The heist? 240 00:09:19,092 --> 00:09:21,092 You shut your hot lips. 241 00:09:21,094 --> 00:09:22,694 Charles, I don't buy it. 242 00:09:22,696 --> 00:09:24,829 This is an obvious trap, okay? 243 00:09:24,831 --> 00:09:26,998 Who are you, really, hmm? 244 00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:30,235 You some male prostitute that Charles busted 245 00:09:30,237 --> 00:09:32,771 out on some lonely pier somewhere? 246 00:09:32,773 --> 00:09:34,706 Well, guess what, sweetie? 247 00:09:34,708 --> 00:09:37,909 This is one trick you ain't gonna be turning tonight. 248 00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:39,177 - I'm not a prostitute. 249 00:09:39,179 --> 00:09:40,178 - Okay. 250 00:09:40,180 --> 00:09:41,179 [laughs] 251 00:09:41,181 --> 00:09:42,914 Right. Bye-bye, whore. 252 00:09:44,217 --> 00:09:45,984 - It's go time, Sergeant. 253 00:09:49,957 --> 00:09:51,189 - Hey, Rosa. 254 00:09:51,191 --> 00:09:53,892 I'm not saying these are from your motorcycle, 255 00:09:53,894 --> 00:09:56,261 but I found these stripped handlebars outside. 256 00:09:56,263 --> 00:09:59,130 - You better not have messed with my bike for this heist. 257 00:09:59,132 --> 00:10:01,066 Let me remind you I'm carrying a weapon. 258 00:10:01,068 --> 00:10:02,233 - We all have the same weapons. 259 00:10:03,236 --> 00:10:05,737 Damn, Rosa! Where'd you get that? 260 00:10:08,342 --> 00:10:11,042 The scorpion has left the nest. 261 00:10:11,044 --> 00:10:21,286 ♪ ♪ 262 00:10:21,288 --> 00:10:23,021 - And... 263 00:10:23,023 --> 00:10:24,022 Ding. 264 00:10:24,024 --> 00:10:25,023 [elevator dings] 265 00:10:25,025 --> 00:10:26,758 - See Daddy? Come on. 266 00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:29,794 - Time for the twin twist. 267 00:10:29,796 --> 00:10:31,997 - Hey, Jake. - Hey, you guys. 268 00:10:31,999 --> 00:10:33,932 - We wanted to surprise Terry; have you seen him? 269 00:10:33,934 --> 00:10:35,300 - Oh, he just went downstairs for a bit, 270 00:10:35,302 --> 00:10:36,334 but he should be back soon. 271 00:10:36,336 --> 00:10:38,136 - Oh. Cagney? Lacey? 272 00:10:38,138 --> 00:10:40,305 Do you guys want to take a picture with Uncle Jake? 273 00:10:40,307 --> 00:10:41,840 - Yeah! - [laughs] 274 00:10:41,842 --> 00:10:43,375 You don't mind, do you? 275 00:10:43,377 --> 00:10:46,311 - Um ... no, of course not. 276 00:10:46,313 --> 00:10:47,812 That would be so fun. 277 00:10:47,814 --> 00:10:49,397 - What if we do it in the briefing room, 278 00:10:49,398 --> 00:10:50,981 like you're assigning them a case? 279 00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:53,118 - No, I mean, you know what would be fun-- 280 00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:54,786 even more that that-- 281 00:10:54,788 --> 00:10:57,889 is if we took a picture right here, 282 00:10:57,891 --> 00:10:59,290 and I could have my hand on this cabinet. 283 00:10:59,292 --> 00:11:00,358 - Okay. 284 00:11:01,828 --> 00:11:04,129 - Nailed it. - Here we go. 285 00:11:05,265 --> 00:11:07,198 Oh, God, it was in video mode--sorry. 286 00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:10,068 - Take your time; I could do this all day. 287 00:11:10,070 --> 00:11:11,936 Matter of fact, what if we did one 288 00:11:11,938 --> 00:11:14,205 where I had both hands on the cabinet-- 289 00:11:14,207 --> 00:11:17,308 one on top, and then one on the front? 290 00:11:17,310 --> 00:11:19,077 - Looks good, yeah. 291 00:11:19,079 --> 00:11:23,248 All right, smile-- three, two, one-- 292 00:11:23,250 --> 00:11:26,151 Cheese! Very good. 293 00:11:26,153 --> 00:11:28,286 Great, you guys. Let's go find Daddy. 294 00:11:28,288 --> 00:11:31,823 [witch cackling] - What's going on? 295 00:11:35,929 --> 00:11:37,429 Aha! What are you doing? 296 00:11:37,431 --> 00:11:41,232 Nothing--just enjoying a taste of my favorite beverage, 297 00:11:41,234 --> 00:11:42,901 the soda pop. 298 00:11:43,970 --> 00:11:46,237 - Really? I have never seen you enjoy soda pop before. 299 00:11:46,239 --> 00:11:48,840 - Hmm. - Have some now. 300 00:11:57,317 --> 00:12:00,385 - Ahh. 301 00:12:00,387 --> 00:12:02,120 It's delicious. - I don't buy it. 302 00:12:02,122 --> 00:12:04,022 You're making the same face you made when you found 303 00:12:04,024 --> 00:12:05,223 a chocolate chip in your trail mix. 304 00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:07,125 Something's up. I'm patting you down. 305 00:12:08,929 --> 00:12:12,030 Damn it, nothing but a surprisingly toned set of abs. 306 00:12:12,032 --> 00:12:13,264 - Why would I have the crown, Jake? 307 00:12:13,266 --> 00:12:15,033 Isn't it still in the interrogation room? 308 00:12:15,035 --> 00:12:17,368 - Yes. Yes. Of course. 309 00:12:17,370 --> 00:12:19,471 Of course it's still in there. 310 00:12:19,473 --> 00:12:22,107 Welp, I guess I'll see you at midnight. 311 00:12:22,109 --> 00:12:24,976 After you. - No, after you. 312 00:12:24,978 --> 00:12:26,878 - I insist. 313 00:12:30,450 --> 00:12:32,183 [witch cackling] 314 00:12:32,185 --> 00:12:33,318 Ugh. 315 00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:34,452 - You drank a soda? 316 00:12:34,454 --> 00:12:36,354 Not sure that's the worst thing in the world. 317 00:12:36,356 --> 00:12:38,056 - It was the worst thing in the world-- 318 00:12:38,058 --> 00:12:40,325 worse than a fruit-forward Riesling. 319 00:12:40,327 --> 00:12:42,260 No, I'm not exaggerating. 320 00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:46,297 Anyhow, I cleverly ditched the crown in a trash can-- 321 00:12:46,299 --> 00:12:48,466 wait a minute--so as to not arouse suspicion 322 00:12:48,468 --> 00:12:49,901 and then retrieve it. 323 00:12:49,903 --> 00:12:52,053 - Got it. 324 00:12:52,054 --> 00:12:54,204 Hey-- while I'm in there, should I get you a soda? 325 00:12:54,207 --> 00:12:56,040 - I know you're joking, but on the off chance 326 00:12:56,042 --> 00:12:57,308 you aren't... 327 00:12:57,310 --> 00:12:59,110 No. 328 00:13:03,183 --> 00:13:05,049 - Hi, there. - Oh, is it? 329 00:13:05,051 --> 00:13:06,351 - The handlebar thing was fake. 330 00:13:06,353 --> 00:13:07,919 They were trying to distract me. 331 00:13:07,921 --> 00:13:09,187 I think they made a play for the crown. 332 00:13:09,189 --> 00:13:11,356 - I know, but I had my hand on the cabinet the whole time, 333 00:13:13,527 --> 00:13:13,892 so I'm pretty confident there's no way 334 00:13:13,893 --> 00:13:14,258 they could have gotten it. 335 00:13:14,261 --> 00:13:15,193 They got it. 336 00:13:15,195 --> 00:13:17,295 - Look at the back. Screws are loose. 337 00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:21,099 - Damn it. That son of a bitch is good. 338 00:13:21,101 --> 00:13:23,468 - Sir, we got a problem. 339 00:13:23,470 --> 00:13:26,271 The crown wasn't in the trash can. 340 00:13:26,273 --> 00:13:28,039 Jake must have taken it back. 341 00:13:28,041 --> 00:13:29,274 - Damn it. 342 00:13:29,276 --> 00:13:31,276 That son of a bitch is good. 343 00:13:35,048 --> 00:13:36,347 - We have to get that crown back. 344 00:13:36,349 --> 00:13:38,316 I already changed my email to "kingjakerulez" with a z. 345 00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:40,084 Everyone's going to think I'm an idiot. 346 00:13:40,086 --> 00:13:42,253 - Hello, Peralta. - Captain. 347 00:13:42,255 --> 00:13:43,888 - Midnight nears. - Yes, it does. 348 00:13:43,890 --> 00:13:47,091 Tick tock. - Tick tock indeed. 349 00:13:47,093 --> 00:13:49,527 - But tick tock for who? 350 00:13:49,529 --> 00:13:50,829 - You know it's "for whom." 351 00:13:50,831 --> 00:13:51,896 Don't try to provoke me. 352 00:13:51,898 --> 00:13:54,332 - I didn't know that. 353 00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:56,100 both: I'm going to get that crown back. 354 00:13:56,102 --> 00:13:57,101 - Wait--what? - Huh? 355 00:13:57,103 --> 00:13:59,404 Will you excuse me for just one moment? 356 00:13:59,406 --> 00:14:01,539 - Yes, I too need to be excused. 357 00:14:01,541 --> 00:14:03,341 - [whispering] He doesn't have the crown! 358 00:14:03,343 --> 00:14:04,309 - What? Who has it, then? 359 00:14:04,311 --> 00:14:06,211 - I don't know who has it. - What do we do? 360 00:14:06,213 --> 00:14:08,146 - Pull the security tape. I'll distract them. 361 00:14:08,148 --> 00:14:10,215 Hey, look at this. 362 00:14:10,217 --> 00:14:14,385 Ahhhhhhhhhh. 363 00:14:14,387 --> 00:14:16,120 Damn it, how did that not work? 364 00:14:16,122 --> 00:14:19,591 - Hmm, Captain Holt said you guys stole the crown 365 00:14:19,593 --> 00:14:21,226 when Jake came through the ceiling. 366 00:14:21,228 --> 00:14:22,627 - Yeah, I can't believe you fell for that. 367 00:14:22,629 --> 00:14:24,329 You really think I'd mark the wrong vent? 368 00:14:24,331 --> 00:14:26,364 I've never marked a wrong vent in my life. 369 00:14:26,366 --> 00:14:27,932 - You're very intense about vents. 370 00:14:27,934 --> 00:14:29,200 - Yeah. 371 00:14:30,070 --> 00:14:30,869 - Wait--so Nadia wasn't just a distraction? 372 00:14:30,871 --> 00:14:33,171 - No, 100% real. 373 00:14:33,173 --> 00:14:36,274 Handsome, cool, hair as thick as a collie's. 374 00:14:36,276 --> 00:14:38,443 I found you the perfect guy, and you drove him off. 375 00:14:38,445 --> 00:14:40,245 - Ugh. I'm sorry. 376 00:14:40,247 --> 00:14:42,146 I should have trusted you. 377 00:14:42,148 --> 00:14:44,182 Please call him and tell him I messed up. 378 00:14:44,184 --> 00:14:46,284 - Fine, but only if you agree that your first date 379 00:14:46,286 --> 00:14:48,286 will be a double date with me and Genevieve 380 00:14:48,288 --> 00:14:49,554 on a week-long trip to Turk's-- 381 00:14:49,556 --> 00:14:51,356 - Forget it, no. Forget it. 382 00:14:51,358 --> 00:14:52,423 - No! Okay, I'll call him. 383 00:14:52,425 --> 00:14:54,158 Please, I want this so badly. 384 00:14:54,160 --> 00:14:57,161 - Fine, you may call him for me. 385 00:14:57,163 --> 00:14:59,330 - Thank you. 386 00:14:59,332 --> 00:15:01,666 - Okay, here I am taking pictures with Terry's kids. 387 00:15:01,668 --> 00:15:04,168 Man, I look so strong standing next to them. 388 00:15:04,170 --> 00:15:05,236 Should I have kids? - Sure. 389 00:15:05,238 --> 00:15:06,170 Okay. 390 00:15:06,172 --> 00:15:08,606 It's Holt. Whoa, how did he do that? 391 00:15:08,608 --> 00:15:10,308 - Guy has an insane set of abs. 392 00:15:10,310 --> 00:15:12,443 Oh, look, he's got the crown. 393 00:15:12,445 --> 00:15:13,645 And he's headed to the break room. 394 00:15:13,647 --> 00:15:15,213 - He dumped it in the trash. 395 00:15:15,215 --> 00:15:16,314 Did he go back and get it? 396 00:15:16,316 --> 00:15:19,684 - Nope, janitor came in and took it. 397 00:15:19,686 --> 00:15:20,919 But which janitor? 398 00:15:20,921 --> 00:15:22,453 Looks like I'm going to have to squint. 399 00:15:25,959 --> 00:15:28,559 His name is Al-- Al the janitor. 400 00:15:28,561 --> 00:15:30,929 All right, it's 11:00 P.M. now; That means Al's long gone. 401 00:15:30,931 --> 00:15:32,463 How are we going to get his home address? 402 00:15:32,465 --> 00:15:34,365 - Who's the one person you know who's anal enough 403 00:15:34,367 --> 00:15:37,335 to send out holiday cards to every single employee? 404 00:15:38,471 --> 00:15:41,406 - Amy! - What do you want, Jake? 405 00:15:41,408 --> 00:15:43,975 - What? Why would you assume that I want anything? 406 00:15:43,977 --> 00:15:46,511 What I want is to apologize to my girlfriend, 407 00:15:46,513 --> 00:15:47,612 who I hurt. 408 00:15:47,614 --> 00:15:48,680 - It's "whom." 409 00:15:48,682 --> 00:15:50,281 - Why does the word "who" even exist 410 00:15:50,283 --> 00:15:51,449 if you're not allowed to say it? 411 00:15:51,451 --> 00:15:53,217 Anyways, now that I've apologized 412 00:15:53,219 --> 00:15:56,955 and you've accepted, can you give me janitor Al's address? 413 00:15:56,957 --> 00:15:59,223 - This is related to your heist, isn't it? 414 00:15:59,225 --> 00:16:01,960 - No, no. It's about a crime. 415 00:16:01,962 --> 00:16:04,662 I think janitor Al is going to kill the president. 416 00:16:04,664 --> 00:16:07,265 - Oh, Santiago. There's my protégé. 417 00:16:07,267 --> 00:16:09,334 - Let me guess-- you want the janitor's address. 418 00:16:09,336 --> 00:16:12,370 - Janitor? Address? Al? 419 00:16:12,372 --> 00:16:14,238 - I never said his name. 420 00:16:14,240 --> 00:16:16,574 Well, isn't this rich. 421 00:16:16,576 --> 00:16:18,977 After being excluded by both of you, 422 00:16:18,979 --> 00:16:20,378 here I am with the power to decide 423 00:16:20,380 --> 00:16:23,247 who wins and who loses your little heist. 424 00:16:23,249 --> 00:16:24,649 - I wouldn't have it any other way. 425 00:16:24,651 --> 00:16:26,651 You are my wisest detective. 426 00:16:26,653 --> 00:16:29,988 - Pathetic. She can't be manipulated, sir. 427 00:16:29,990 --> 00:16:31,656 Amy, we are in love. 428 00:16:31,658 --> 00:16:32,690 I know we've never said it before, 429 00:16:32,692 --> 00:16:34,759 but I think this is the perfect time, don't you? 430 00:16:34,761 --> 00:16:36,427 - Love? Ha. 431 00:16:37,530 --> 00:16:39,530 What's love compared to the respect of a workplace superior? 432 00:16:39,532 --> 00:16:41,599 - Amy Santiago, will you m-- 433 00:16:41,601 --> 00:16:43,368 - Enough! - Okay. 434 00:16:43,370 --> 00:16:45,403 - Pretending to be nice to me is worse than being mean. 435 00:16:45,405 --> 00:16:48,373 You know what? You want the address? 436 00:16:48,375 --> 00:16:52,543 Here, you can both have it. 437 00:16:52,545 --> 00:16:54,412 [cell phones ringing] 438 00:16:54,414 --> 00:16:56,581 Hope you're happy, you selfish monsters. 439 00:16:57,751 --> 00:16:59,684 - I feel terrible. - We should apologize. 440 00:16:59,686 --> 00:17:01,085 - Yes, I agree. 441 00:17:01,087 --> 00:17:03,421 You definitely should now; I'll do mine later. 442 00:17:03,423 --> 00:17:05,023 - Fat chance. 443 00:17:05,024 --> 00:17:06,624 - Charles, I need your butt. Meet me downstairs. 444 00:17:06,626 --> 00:17:08,393 - Alpha Team, this is the Golden Sparrow. 445 00:17:08,395 --> 00:17:09,794 Rendezvous at Drop Zone Yankee. 446 00:17:09,796 --> 00:17:11,763 - When did you come up with those code names? 447 00:17:14,067 --> 00:17:15,700 Okay, he lives on the sixteenth floor. 448 00:17:15,702 --> 00:17:16,601 - I think we beat Holt here. 449 00:17:16,603 --> 00:17:19,337 - Or did you? - I'll get the elevator. 450 00:17:19,339 --> 00:17:21,672 - Crap! Looks like we're taking the stairs. 451 00:17:23,443 --> 00:17:26,577 All right, it's sixteen floors-- pace yourselves. 452 00:17:26,579 --> 00:17:28,446 Forget it. Run as fast as you can! 453 00:17:31,451 --> 00:17:34,652 [panting] 454 00:17:34,654 --> 00:17:37,822 [knocks] Ha ha! 455 00:17:37,824 --> 00:17:40,458 I win. I knocked first. 456 00:17:41,694 --> 00:17:42,727 You're not Al. 457 00:17:42,729 --> 00:17:44,328 - You're looking for Al? 458 00:17:45,298 --> 00:17:46,464 - Of course we're looking for Al, you imbecile! 459 00:17:46,466 --> 00:17:48,699 Sorry. 460 00:17:48,701 --> 00:17:50,601 - He's having a cigarette on the roof. 461 00:17:50,603 --> 00:17:51,836 - The roof? 462 00:17:54,340 --> 00:17:57,375 [panting] 463 00:17:57,377 --> 00:17:59,544 Yes. I did it. 464 00:17:59,546 --> 00:18:01,712 I am the greatest athlete in the world. 465 00:18:01,714 --> 00:18:03,614 [vomits] 466 00:18:03,616 --> 00:18:05,483 - Al? Al? 467 00:18:05,485 --> 00:18:07,718 Where's Al? 468 00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:09,654 - Oh, there he is. There he is! 469 00:18:09,656 --> 00:18:11,689 I did it. I did it. 470 00:18:11,691 --> 00:18:13,391 [vomits] 471 00:18:13,393 --> 00:18:14,859 - Good God. 472 00:18:14,861 --> 00:18:17,095 Are you Al the janitor? 473 00:18:17,097 --> 00:18:20,465 - Nope. I'm your worst nightmare. 474 00:18:20,467 --> 00:18:22,533 Amy Santiago. 475 00:18:22,535 --> 00:18:25,169 - Oh, no. 476 00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:31,642 - I don't understand what is happening. 477 00:18:31,644 --> 00:18:33,744 - Allow me to explain. 478 00:18:33,746 --> 00:18:37,181 Amy and I were ahead of you the whole time. 479 00:18:37,183 --> 00:18:39,317 - No, you weren't part of this. 480 00:18:39,319 --> 00:18:41,586 Get back over to the loser side, loser. 481 00:18:41,588 --> 00:18:42,587 - All right. Worth a shot. 482 00:18:42,589 --> 00:18:43,754 - So how'd you pull it off? 483 00:18:43,756 --> 00:18:45,940 - Well, it all started when I went to tell Jake 484 00:18:45,941 --> 00:18:48,125 how badly he hurt my feelings, 485 00:18:48,128 --> 00:18:49,827 and he yelled at my breasts. 486 00:18:49,829 --> 00:18:52,296 - Oh, boy, I am not going to come off well in this story. 487 00:18:52,298 --> 00:18:53,331 - Nope. 488 00:18:55,268 --> 00:18:55,733 Remember when you set off the witch? 489 00:18:55,734 --> 00:18:56,199 [witch cackling] 490 00:18:56,202 --> 00:18:57,902 You made Captain Holt flinch, which was weird, 491 00:18:57,904 --> 00:18:59,403 since his door was closed, 492 00:18:59,405 --> 00:19:01,739 but not weird, since he actually heard it over a bug 493 00:19:02,408 --> 00:19:03,241 he planted at your desk. 494 00:19:03,243 --> 00:19:05,309 It was in an old muffin that you never threw in the trash. 495 00:19:05,311 --> 00:19:07,345 - That's why people throw away garbage. 496 00:19:07,347 --> 00:19:08,346 - How are we together? 497 00:19:08,348 --> 00:19:09,680 - Eh. 498 00:19:10,617 --> 00:19:11,749 - Anyway, I tapped into the bug's frequencies, 499 00:19:11,751 --> 00:19:13,618 so I had ears on Jake. 500 00:19:13,620 --> 00:19:14,886 I needed to know what Holt was up to. 501 00:19:14,888 --> 00:19:16,888 That's where Hitchcock came in. 502 00:19:16,890 --> 00:19:18,890 - I masterminded the entire plan. 503 00:19:18,892 --> 00:19:21,359 - You did one small thing, and I had to explain it to you, 504 00:19:21,361 --> 00:19:22,760 like, 45 times. 505 00:19:22,762 --> 00:19:24,629 He left a tiny crack in the blind, 506 00:19:24,631 --> 00:19:25,897 so I could read the Captain's lips. 507 00:19:25,899 --> 00:19:27,916 "Sharon and your kids will distract Jake. 508 00:19:27,917 --> 00:19:29,934 "They'll be here at 9:30 sharp. 509 00:19:29,936 --> 00:19:32,770 My waffle xylophone on the cheese man." 510 00:19:32,772 --> 00:19:33,771 - What? 511 00:19:33,773 --> 00:19:35,206 - My lip-reading is not flawless. 512 00:19:35,208 --> 00:19:36,407 Now that I knew your plan, 513 00:19:36,409 --> 00:19:37,742 it was simple to disrupt. 514 00:19:38,711 --> 00:19:39,677 While Scully gracefully moved the witch, 515 00:19:40,346 --> 00:19:41,212 I got into character. 516 00:19:41,214 --> 00:19:42,246 Holt triggered the witch, 517 00:19:42,248 --> 00:19:43,648 which brought Jake into the room. 518 00:19:43,650 --> 00:19:45,416 - And I threw the crown in the trash can. 519 00:19:45,418 --> 00:19:47,351 - Exactly as I planned. 520 00:19:47,353 --> 00:19:50,655 Then I sent you all here, placed an out-of-order sign 521 00:19:50,657 --> 00:19:53,457 on the perfectly functional elevator, 522 00:19:53,459 --> 00:19:55,293 made you all walk up 31 flights of stairs 523 00:19:55,295 --> 00:19:56,761 and vomit twice. 524 00:19:56,763 --> 00:19:57,862 - Actually, it was four times, 525 00:19:57,864 --> 00:20:00,264 if you count all the stairwell stuff. 526 00:20:00,266 --> 00:20:01,933 - You thought I was just Holt's lackey. 527 00:20:01,935 --> 00:20:04,402 And you thought I was just Jake's girlfriend. 528 00:20:04,404 --> 00:20:06,370 Well, I'm my own person, 529 00:20:06,372 --> 00:20:08,472 capable of making my own decisions, 530 00:20:08,474 --> 00:20:10,741 and I decided to humiliate you both. 531 00:20:10,743 --> 00:20:14,879 - Well, you did, and it was awesome. 532 00:20:14,881 --> 00:20:17,949 One last question: where's the crown? 533 00:20:17,951 --> 00:20:19,717 - Oh, it's at Shaw's Bar, 534 00:20:19,719 --> 00:20:22,420 the official site of my coronation. 535 00:20:22,422 --> 00:20:24,689 - All hail the crown of destiny. 536 00:20:24,691 --> 00:20:27,725 [cheers] 537 00:20:27,727 --> 00:20:32,496 And all hail she who wears it, Amy Santiago, the... 538 00:20:32,498 --> 00:20:34,265 - Queen. 539 00:20:34,267 --> 00:20:35,967 - Queen of the nine-nine. 540 00:20:35,969 --> 00:20:37,435 [cheers] 541 00:20:37,437 --> 00:20:38,836 - I believe there's something else 542 00:20:38,838 --> 00:20:39,971 you both need to say. 543 00:20:39,973 --> 00:20:40,972 - Gladly. 544 00:20:40,974 --> 00:20:42,240 both: Amy Santiago 545 00:20:42,242 --> 00:20:45,376 is an amazing detective/genius. 546 00:20:45,378 --> 00:20:46,744 Drinks are on us. 547 00:20:46,746 --> 00:20:48,746 - Nope. - Drinks are on me. 548 00:20:48,748 --> 00:20:50,314 - Yeah! 549 00:20:51,985 --> 00:20:54,885 - Hey. 550 00:20:54,887 --> 00:20:56,487 - I'm glad you showed up. 551 00:20:56,489 --> 00:20:58,789 Sorry I was acting so weird earlier. 552 00:20:58,791 --> 00:21:01,826 - Hey, I don't blame you. Sagittarius, right? 553 00:21:01,828 --> 00:21:03,995 With Saturn where it is, you're right to be wary 554 00:21:03,997 --> 00:21:05,429 of new relationships. 555 00:21:05,431 --> 00:21:09,333 - How is it possible that a spirit such as yourself 556 00:21:09,335 --> 00:21:10,735 even knows Charles? 557 00:21:10,737 --> 00:21:12,536 - I did an art show at Genevieve's gallery. 558 00:21:12,538 --> 00:21:15,339 - Oh, right--so you're not really friends, 559 00:21:15,341 --> 00:21:18,042 you know his girlfriend through the art world. 560 00:21:18,044 --> 00:21:20,311 - Yeah, plus, she's my twin sister. 561 00:21:20,313 --> 00:21:21,479 - What? 562 00:21:21,481 --> 00:21:23,481 - Hi, Leo. A kiss for my bro. 563 00:21:23,483 --> 00:21:25,016 And a kiss for my beau. 564 00:21:25,018 --> 00:21:26,050 - No. 565 00:21:26,052 --> 00:21:27,285 - A kiss for my beau. 566 00:21:27,287 --> 00:21:28,953 And a kiss for my sis. 567 00:21:28,955 --> 00:21:30,288 - No!